不要吵！！！

煩死人了！！！
可不可以不要都依賴我！！！
我不可以一個人同時招待兩個人！！！！！
我要安靜一個人！！！！！！！！！

我的人生哲學1：偏見

唉。。拖了這麼久才po個blog，做事有夠拖拉的我。。

其實在這些日子里，心裡有好多話想說。

因為看得東西越多，想法越多，越覺得很多事情比想像中更難。

我的脾氣好像沒有以前那樣沖了，什麽氣都吞。

在這世界里，我是多么地渺小。

當然，我還是那麼地自以為是。

今天，我又發現一則人生道理。

我們每天習慣的動作和毛病，是在不知不覺中形成的。

比如說習慣性地不爽、不耐煩、聽別人的是非，甚至開始bias人家等。

這些已變成生活中不可或缺的東西。。

然而，在還沒碰到瓶頸前，似乎忘了什麽是感恩。

今天在全班前表現不佳的我，下面的人會不會講衰我？

如果我是下面的人，心裡一定會覺得你很遜。

是的，我一定會覺得我上去講都好過你啦。

今天忽然發現，原來從以前到現在的我心裡都一直在批評別人。

有哪一次，我曾感恩那些人？

感恩他們讓我知道原來事情不應該這樣處理，

感恩他們讓我知道做人不應該不檢點，

也感恩他們知道或不知道你曾批評過他們之餘仍然在台下為你鼓掌。

我覺得自己太傲慢了。。。真是傲慢到極點。

我已經比那些曾被我歧視的勤奮同學差了好多。。

從新開始吧好樣地！做個笨烏龜也很好啊。

我好喜歡你

最近每星期六都等不及看星光，其實第五季並非什麽好看的，只是因為有一個我非常非常非常喜歡的選手在裏面！！我真的好喜歡他。。。

真的好喜歡他。。。

覺得自己好蠢好蠢，這麼大了竟然還像個無知少女般追求人家。可是他真的好可愛。。

他有著獨特的嗓子，長的雖然不特別，但是性格淳樸陽光的他很真是好吸引人。

如果他出了專輯我一定要賣他的！

孫自佑我好喜歡你！！！！

this is so sad..

有些人，有些事，有些話，

有些愛有些人一直沒機會見，等有機會見了，卻又猶豫了，相見不如不見。

有些事一直沒機會做，等有機會了，卻不想再做了。

有些話埋藏在心中好久，沒機會說，等有機會說的時候，卻說不出口了。

有些愛一直沒機會愛，等有機會了，已經不愛了。

有些人很多機會相見的，卻總找借口推脫，想見的時候已經沒機會了。

有些話有很多機會說的，卻想著以後再說，要說的時候，已經沒機會了。

有些事有很多機會做的，卻一天一天推遲，想做的時候卻發現沒機會了。

有些愛給了你很多機會，卻不在意沒在乎，想重視的時候已經沒機會愛了。

人生有時候，總是很諷刺。 一轉身可能就是一世。

說好永遠的，不知怎麼就散了。

最後自己想來想去竟然也搞不清當初是什麼原因分開彼此的。

然後，你忽然醒悟，感情原來是這麼脆弱的。經得起風雨，卻經不起平凡；風雨同船，天x便各自散了。

也許只是賭氣，也許只是因為小小的事。

幻想著和好的甜蜜，或重逢時的擁抱，那個時候會是邊流淚邊捶打對方，還傻笑著。

該是多美的畫面。

沒想到的是，一別竟是一輩子了。

於是，各有各的生活，各自愛著別的人。曾經相愛，現在已互不相干。

即使在同一個小小的城市，也不曾再相逢。

某一天某一刻，走在同一條街，也看不見對方。

先是感歎，後來是無奈。 也許你很幸福，因為找到另一個適合自己的人。

也許你不幸福，因為可能你這一生就只有那個人真正用心在你身上。

很久很久，沒有對方的消息，也不再想起這個人，也是不想再想起。

再回首時，容顏已無法辨認！

沒想到我又回來了。

好久沒有blog，不知回到這裡又是什麽感覺。
總覺得每次要blog的時候都是很低潮的。
不然又是矛盾再現。
之前跟自己說要blog就寫開心的事情。
不過沒多久覺得很偽裝。
重點是，我一直覺得那些很不實際。
畢竟快樂和新鮮事的時光過了就沒意義了。
一方面，耳朵旁好像有個聲音跟我說世間的事在乎幹嘛。
不永久的東西就不要去執著，算吧去。

現在，我就是要寫心理想的一些事。

今天抽了牙根，又花了一筆錢。雖然老師。。。但是做crown的那一筆又要我的命。真是山窮水盡啊！以前在dr.chin那裡看人家做抽牙根覺得這種事情一定不會發生在自己身上，沒想到過兩年到自己中招。因為重點是，我不喜歡有假的東西在我的嘴裡！

不管怎樣，我還是相信這不是巧克力做的好事。

臭小孩一直等到我做完治療，又借我付x-ray和藥的錢，其實我心理滿低落的。靠別人的感覺特別糟，尤其是你事先可以作準備的時候。之後，看到他在走廊上被dr.ajay罵，原因是不能在走廊上看報紙，因為不像樣。我知道他等下一定會把這件事重重掛在心上，因為獅子座的人總是那麼愛自己的尊嚴。我不再因為這樣去安慰他了，是想讓他能夠去成長自己的想法。

尊嚴，真是累人。

我希望我還可以大喇喇地過過這段困苦的日子，但是必須開始認真努力求學了，要不然每次想到辛苦的爸爸就會內疚到極點。

真的很想一個人去旅行。

studying is the good plan

i would just be feeling so happy once i had time to do my own stuff. my own stuff means studying, sleeping, online, watching movies with TheGE, refilling my water bottles, tidy up my room, cooking, photoshop-ing my random pictures, listening to musics, drawing, etc.

i just feel that i can't do anything right now. i have no idea from where to start. i have a LOT to study instead of enjoying those slow-paced-stuff of my lives. every morning when i wake up i feel that i'm going to fail my final if i don't start studying again. well, i always end up my day being busy with so many nonsense things and studying nothing.

i have a tonnes of sport days pictures and videos to select and cut...

my laptop's memory space will be overloaded soon..

i run from here and there to shoot some nice pictures but sometime get myself disappointed with bad pictures.

my brain is full of a blender of abstracting ideas about the slide show that i'm going to present in closing ceremony.

i'm being so worry that my laptop will get sick and all my pictures and videos gone.

on another hand, i'm worrying about my practical works. (i called Carmen few days ago and told her what had happened to me recently. she asked me to buy Lakshmi sweet to those lecturers as a sign of apology.) i promise to myself that i must finish all the tooth settings as soon as possible once i enter the lab again! oh... i shall pray really hard to get their signatures too...

oh yea, after that offending incident i can make a conclusion now.

to the adverse effects,

1. i can't proceed my practical work for almost 2 weeks.
2. all the lecturers have bad impression on me.
3. my sport days mood spoilt.
4. i have spent Rs300 to buy Lakshmi sweet for them and have no idea whether they will accept or not.
5. keep worrying about my internal assessment mark.
6. might be eye-sticked by that lecturer for the rest of second year.

to the uses,

1. i learn to control my temper.
2. i know how serious it is to offend lecturer in India.
3. i appreciate the chance for attending classes and practicals.
4. i start to study.
5. i must respect the elders like how i respect my parents, even if they like insulting.
   
6. i know that TheGE will always be there for me no matter what.

there's a quote in chinese, "利用零碎的时间去做有意义的事。" which means we shall learn to use the fragmented free times to do important and meaningful things.

obsessing

i'm so scared suddenly..

i realize that i'm being obsessed by the scary India. i feel like i'll never get myself out of this birdy place where so many weird stuff and people exist in. i feel like i'll take the otto (tut-tut car) forever in my life.. i feel like i'll need to pay stuff using Rupees forever... i feel like i'll stay in Salem PIDC hostel forever.. i even feel like i'll need to have Indian foods forever..!

AHHH!! i want to get myself out from here as soon as possible!

i shouldn't have told my friends and family how good i used to feel at here. i know when i always say i feel good at something or somebody i'll sure be disappointed at the end. =.=

i miss my home.. yesterday, i got my tears shed when i was listening to the instrumental musics that i used to play at home every time. sssh.... so useless.

i gotta STUDY REALLY HARD and leave this place next year.

bad days

i can't deny that i'm having some bad days recently.

such as:

1. offending lecturers.
2. stepping my foot into mud.
3. being emotional. get irritated easily. negative.
   
4. getting insomnia.
   
5. forget to get my tripod back from camp.
   
6. couldn't sleep well.
7. doing everything in a rush.
8. camera's memory full when i need to use .
9. my second RPD with porosities still.
10. I LOST ALL THE OPENING CEREMONY PICTURES!!!

... i lost them......

double check and check and CHECK again from my laptop. no....no...NO.... please don't treat me like this... there's no even a single piece of them... ALL GONE!! how can this be happened on me!! my precious pictures!!! the pictures with everyone's laughters and expressions inside!! and their banners!! and their cheers!! and their preparation for the opening ceremony!! and every captain's!! and the big 'R'!! and the fireworks!!! and the and many many many many many MANY more..!!!!!

i'm damn stupid!

i'm so stressed!!!

disaster

i wished it was just happened in my dream during afternoon nap...

i really have no idea what's going on with those lecturers in prosthodontics department. we're supposed in the mid way of doing complete denture's tooth setting right now but there come a NOBODY lecturer and disaster-ing the 2nd summer batch.

let me describe this NOBODY lecturer:

1. Morphologically
   

• fat
• short
• with mustache
• a pair of 'hamsip' eyes
  

2. Chemically

• has some knowledge in prothodontics
  
• holds a master degree (M'am Sudha has no power anymore)
  
• fussy (redo your practical works)
  
• easy in insulting (i can throw your cast/are you deaf?)
• easy to get insulted (you leave the lab now!)
  
• disrespectful yet wants other to respect him
  
• loves people to suck-up him (M'am Sima does a very good job)
  
• yells the students out if his butts reached the class ealier (go out)
  
• keeps asking stupid questions in his class (what is friction?)
  

let's make it brief of what has happened today.

[i was holding my RPD to him for the second time]

NOBODY: [talking very soft] "how much is the denture's thickness?"

Me : [was not listening well and looking at him] "..."

NOBODY: [staring at me with his 'hamsip' eyes] "are you deaf?"

Me : "i couldn't hear you."

NOBODY: [showing his fuck face] "how much is the denture's thickness?"

Me : "2mm."

NOBODY: [lifting up my denture] "do you think there's 2mm here?"

Me : "oh sorry i thought you are asking me the standard thickness of denture. so it's 1mm."

NOBODY: "how do you know it's 1mm? show me how you measure."

Me : [anger. bring a ruler and measure to him.] "...."

NOBODY: [fuck face + disgusting smile] "is this how lecturer taught you?"

Me : [anger + anger + anger. kept staring at him only.] "...."

NOBODY: [staring at me at the same time.]

[there was a long pause...]
[i walked back to my seat straight away ]

NOBODY: [shouted together with Sima] "M'am i'm calling you! Ling Ching!"

[i kept on ignoring them though they later on ordered Jia Li and Sathya to call me there.]

NOBODY: "ok you may leave the department now!"

[then i packed up all my dental stuff and walked out, with a KICK of the lab's door]

[silence...]

[NOBODY and Sima were so shocked. everyone was stunned.]

and when i insisted to go back to my hostel, TheGE stopped me and gave a lot of advices. i was really in the optimum anger and accidentally broke my RPD in my pocket. after cooling down, i decided to apologize as what TheGE had suggested, because the NOBODY would be failing my internal marks and i might not be able to go back to penang for the 3rd year.

well, the NOBODY and Sima took some quick walks to Dr. Samraj's office and complained about the issue of disrespecting-against-lecturers. luckily Dr. Samraj didn't take that issue seriously, he came to the lab and gave some advices to us about the attendances and tests that we always absenced only.

i stood up and ready to apologize to the NOBODY but he said,"i don't want to listen to you." then Sima asked me to leave the lab.

speechless...

i wonder who appointed these few unwanted lecturers to PIDC, they bring only disaster to us. other than being so mean, insulting, disrespectful, fussy and low class they don't bring anything benefit to us.

grasp

i just can't think of any good things right now. emo-ing is striking on me still. i want an independent life!!! be independent of anyone anything.. can i just sit still and study hard and don't bother about other things?

i'm just so annoying, ain't i? this is not me.